Retreat is a gift, not a burden
by Jon Aaron
A five to seven-day silent retreat is the minimum prerequisite between each phase of the MBSR teacher training pathway. Some people, usually newer to mindfulness, approach this requirement as something to simply check off the list. It is a serious misconception that once this requirement is fulfilled, the need for retreats is over. Ongoing retreat practice is an essential component of being an MBSR teacher, or teaching any mindfulness or meditation class.
In an extended silent retreat we have no choice but to turn toward whatever is arising in our experience. We confront all the hindrances: sleepiness and sluggishness, agitation and worry, aversion, desire and doubt. We learn to find joy in small things, to work with what we don’t care for, to get curious about boredom. We clearly see the habits of our mind, and these will surprise even the most self-aware among us. We wrestle with wanting to jump out of our skin, as well as experience true stillness and grace in ways usually impossible in daily life — and everything in between. In all these moments, we are actually practicing what we teach.
When we teach MBSR we are helping others understand their own experience, encouraging them to turn directly toward whatever is happening. It’s not possible to do this very effectively and deeply, unless we’ve sat in the cauldron of the retreat experience.
The retreats which are recommended for MBSR teachers in training fall under the category of “mindfulness retreats” or “insight retreats,” particularly for those new to retreat. Some other retreats qualify but it of course depends on prior experience you may have had. Meditation retreats are not yoga retreats, nor are they self-development retreats (quite the contrary in fact, as we gain insight in the constructed nature of self!). What is important is that there be qualified teachers leading the retreat and that various forms of practice be explored in some depth: sitting meditation, walking meditation, other mindful movement and informal practice. The informal practices of course include eating and personal care, but many retreats also have “yogi jobs” such as cleaning the bathrooms, dishwashing or cutting vegetables. These provide great opportunities for practice. There are usually also individual or small group interviews with the teacher(s).
Online retreats are accepted but are certainly different than residential retreats. Provided you can create the space in your home to truly retreat in, which is no small challenge, the practices will be the same and the informal practice will be whatever is required of you domestically, whether it is preparing a meal or walking your dog.
Recognizing that retreats can be costly, particularly if you factor in lost income for the duration, highlights the other advantage of on-line retreats since at least travel and accommodation costs are reduced. That said, many retreat centers offer financial support and scholarships, and there is also the possibility of work retreats. Retreating at home is in fact much harder, as you do not benefit from the power of collective momentum and energy in the same way. There is quite nothing like sharing silence with a group of meditators. Most meditators I know appreciate on-line retreats for their convenience and as a way to “top-up” their practice, but yearn to return to in-person collective practice.
As one’s practice evolves, retreats usually become part of one’s way of life and the choices one makes. I recommend, at a minimum, one retreat a year of at least five days, but hopefully more. The challenge with five days is that, in my experience, it takes at least one day or two days to settle, then you have a day or two of solid practice and then the mind starts to spend a lot of time thinking about when the retreat is ending. A seven to ten day retreats provides much more spaciousness, if you can manage that. Two weeks is even better. Some people retreat for and entire month of the year, every year. Others spread out shorter retreats every quarter due to personal or professional obligations.
People generally experience meditation on retreat differently than in daily life, even though the foundations are the same. Many people describe going deeper and having breakthroughs ordinarily unavailable to them. In this way, retreat practice impacts and informs daily meditation practice back at home. It’s quite easy to fall into a pattern of “maintenance” in daily meditation, which is mostly about down regulating our nervous system, but falls short of deeper wisdom and compassion.
Retreat practice may seem “selfish” in that you are taking all this time “for yourself.” At times, you might have a feeling that you are not contributing to the betterment of the world, or being “productive.” In fact, retreat practice is radical! In taking this time for yourself you are expanding your capacity to be with the continual uncertainties and challenges of the world. Your heart and mind open in ways which allow for creative response and true presence. And as important as anything, while on retreat, you are bringing silence and stilling, a different way of being, to the world that so desperately needs it. We retreat from the world to wholeheartedly re-enter the world, with greater equanimity and ease. And don’t worry, most of us bring the world with us, right there on the meditation cushion.
One note of caution: if you are new to retreat and have a history of trauma, be sure to build up this capacity slowly and with the support of skilled teachers, starting with shorter retreats. It’s also very important to choose a context where you feel safe and welcome. Safe enough to fall apart in the best of ways.
Lying fallow, hibernating, being still for a period of time is a very ancient practice. It is found with most spiritual traditions in one form or another. It’s also found in nature. It’s a kind of rest that even a “good night’s sleep” does not live up to. It’s actually who we are.